growth

I am drunk. 

I still love Candice. She's definitely still trapped in her relationship (but that's her choice).  I told Lacey , Camille and Kaylin about Candice crying in front of her girlfriend and her girlfriend laughing at her because they were rightfully shitting on her and saying that she was obviously into me, given their personal experience.

I love her. 

And I love my friends. 

So much. 

I'm really trying and my efforts are showing. 

I wish Candice wanted and worked towards more for herself. 

Kaylin and Mia invited her to play soccer and that made me happy. She said they'd have to ask "the boss" aka her girlfriend if she could play soccer. And when Kaylin told her they made special arrangements for her to join them, she was shocked. And Kaylin was shocked that she was shocked. And I was like yeah, no. That's Candice. Did she do a shitty thing? Yes. But she's paid her penance and she's trapped in her own life. And I told them that. 

I also thought Jenny maybe felt some kind of way about me because maybe she knew about the Candice thing. 

Tonight I hung out with her and Kaylin and I get why she's at the gym. Her and Candice have strong similarities when Candice is in the right track. But it sounds like things are just getting worse and I feel bad for her. 

But Jenny is exactly what I thought she was. And that makes me happy.

She got to see me for who I am and I got to see her. 

~

I also learned that Jenny hasn't left the gym but she does have her own life coaching business. And she said she really enjoys being the nutritionist but she really wishes she had more than 30 minutes to help people. 

That's the second time I have had a coach tell me they are limited to the service they provide which only reminds me that Candice gave me the thing she denies her own staff from giving members. 

And she gave it to me willingly, without me asking, and for free. 

~

Tis the next morning now but I also learned she had members sign a new document that disallowed their dogs from coming to the gym. But coaches can still bring their dogs. 

And the floors are visibly dirty and people heard Candice was trying to push out Jenny to put Bo in her place. 

And I drunkenly told Lacey that it sounds like she'd going down a dark path. And she laughed lol because it was a dramatic statement and I would have laughed too if I heard that. But it really does sound like she is no longer doing what's in the best interest of the gym or herself which tracks because she is the gym in her mind and vice versa. 

I'm really worried but there is nothing I can do.

~

Also, I've had a crush on Sarah Caty and I thought she had one on me but she's had a boyfriend since the babies came. 

And I had a crush on their friend Matt. I spent a party trying to figure out if he was single and who this girl was with him. Turns out, it's his girlfriend.

So I've been avoiding him and I felt and caught him looking at me last night. 

And a man at Subway hit on me yesterday.