what living looks like

I'm also back in a state of doubt, uncertainty, anxiety, stress, and overthinking.  I understand that gym members don't know Candice but my friends think she's weird, manipulative, etc. They don't have much to say about her but at the same time, they do. And I know she's been invited into several friend groups and not stayed but idk why.  And yesterday Laura told me "Ashley has won Andrea over" and I literally said I feel like that's why Candice put that statement out there.  And then she said one of their pictures was one of them hugging the other from behind.  And that upset me. I don't like seeing them together so to envision that was disrupting. I feel crazy again. Like I'm trying too hard or being stupid.  So I'm very dysregulated at the moment. I no longer want to listen to relationship podcast episodes, romance books, sex music etc. I just feel depleted.  ~ And now I'm crying.  I think I may lose some more friends behind all of t...

Today was a little surprising to say the least in a good way kind of. A little bit running behind for work for my liking because I don't want to be there and I went in and I'm still very much on the train of doing my job to go home. Today Andrea was struggling because now she's in a hot seat she is confused and doesn't understand and doesn't like and wishes and all these things that she likes to complain about and I usually would join her because I thought we were working on a solution together but now I understand that's not the case I'm not doing that anymore. And I don't mean dramatic as a kind of sending term I mean it in what it means it was dramatic and it was her feelings and it wasn't invalid it's just that how many times I can't do that. So that's me was dramatic because I understand the other side of that is her decision should not take action. So I was proud of myself in that moment because she was exactly where I have been and...